Warning: There Are No Paintings in the Museum

Lucas Sampson

The Oeil

2125.001.1a-z

Glass & metal

On loan from the Center for Correct Thought

The American Museum of Art and Design is proud to debut our only exhibit. The Oeil is a 10-foot-tall monolith dedicated to restoring sanity to our museum sector.

The Oeil uses revolutionary facial diagnostic technology to read the expression of the viewer, and run it against their algorithm recommendations from the past 30 days. The Oeil tracks changes in facial expressions, and adjusts accordingly. With these revolutionary changes, you never need to feel a moment of boredom again.

For example, if you feel joy, the Oeil will take inspiration from a cherished memory, and allow you to immerse yourself in the experience. If you feel sad, the Oeil will generate content based on your personalized serotonin algorithm. If you feel inquisitive, the Oeil will pull from the list of approved art and literature, and place your favorite characters in new and exciting situations. Think about the Mona Lisa with a fantastic new smile!

If you feel discontent, we have already notified the proper authorities.

Lucas Sampson believes that good art lies in the perspective of the morally just, and seeks to share these corrected thoughts with all eligible visitors. On behalf of all members of the American Museum of Art, we are proud to debut the last, and only, piece of art you will ever need to see.

So, look up, and enjoy the best we have to offer.

Elle Burnett is a writer and historian, interested in the intersections between place, social memory, and the layers of asbestos between them.