Len Slatest

Cash Cow literary magazine is dedicated to profiting from the hopes and dreams of writers. We have a financial conflict of interest, and we’re not afraid to admit it. For a fee we offer these virtual courses:

• How to Write a Story that Gets Published
• Four Ironclad Rules Every Story in the Universe Must Follow to be High Quality
• The Art of the Comma

and many more. Give us a try. We’re experts, because we say so.

We monitor your expenditures in multiples of fifty dollars, Your submissions are rejected until you’ve spent your first fifty. Then voila, an acceptance. Subsequent submissions are rejected for your next forty-nine, and suddenly, you’ll have written something worthy of publication.

Other fees include five dollars for a critique from a random reader we hired, ten dollars for an actually good review, and fifty dollars for our Cash Cow tee shirt, which disintegrates as quickly as your misconception that there are people who put art first, upon its first washing.

If published, we charge five dollars for your piece to be accompanied by your bio, and ten to list any social media handles. Your “published” fiction will be placed behind a paywall. Readers will have to pay fifteen dollars to read it, unless you purchase our concierge service for twenty-five dollars, guaranteeing no wall for any of your work.

Like to know how to submit? That procedure can be found behind our paywall. A mere three dollars will gain you access.