NO GUTS NO GORY: MACABRE QUEST TUTORIAL
ANTHEA JONES
You spawn upon a grassy rise.
Pink-fingered dusk creeps across the sky. Ahead, a cobbled path stretches towards the horizon. On three sides, the Dreadwoods scream your name. What do you do?
>> Follow the path
Are you serious? You bought a game called ‘No Guts No Gory’ and you're taking the path? Sheesh. Try again.
>> Inspect Dreadwoods
The Dreadwoods take their name seriously. You observe the twisted toothy branches, strung up skeletons and rivulets of blood-red sap. A gaping chasm opens in the pit of your stomach. You pat your abdomen and your hand slips straight inside! Your intestines wrap round your wrist in squelching knots and your liver pulses in your fingertips.
>> Pull out hand
Relax! It was a mirage. Now get your ass in there.
>> Enter Dreadwoods
You take charge of your destiny and stride towards the Dreadwoods. You're no chickenshit. As you enter, the last rays of sunlight fade and you glory in the opportunity to breach the cusp in full darkness. Your foot brushes a tendon trip-wire and a pile of bones drops from above, gifting you a macabre wig of carpals and metacarpals. What do you do?
>> Rip off bone wig. Dance like a madman and give thanks for this magnificent gift.
Well, Hallelujah. That completes the tutorial. What did you learn?
>> Go with it
Yep. Trust your instincts are against the nature of this game, and do the opposite.
Ready to play for keeps?