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Please, Cheese Me, Whoa Yeah
Lee Hammerschmidt
“Man,” Detective Garnish said, looking at the encrusted cheese covered face of shady real estate tycoon Monte Rayjac. “All he needs is some marinara.”
“Add bread and salad,” Detective Galangal, Garnish’s new partner said, “and you’ve got a full meal.”
Both men chuckled.
“So, Doc,” Garnish said. “What happened?”
“Well,” Dr. Humphrey Dowdy, medical examiner exemplar said. “He was restrained and the melted cheese concoction was poured over his face, filling his mouth and nostrils, cutting off his breathing. He died of suffocation.”
“He couldn’t just spit it out and blow his nose?” Garnish asked.
“No,” Humphrey said. “Fried mozzarella sticks.”
Lee Hammerschmidt is a Visual Artist/Writer/Troubadour. He’s authored 10 collections of short stories and illustrations.
Death Euphemisms in 2250
LISA TIMPF
pushing up gen-mod daisies
taking a dirt nap on Mars
buying the moisture farm
sleeping with the fishes on Enceladus
wearing a wooden onesie on Weywot
Inspired in part by a list of Earthly death euphemisms listed in a press release from mariecurie.org.uk
Lisa Timpf’s writing has appeared in Star*Line, Polar Borealis, Scifaikuest and other venues.