Make Them Laugh: Three Easy Steps

ONE. Procure nitrous oxide. Amateur
comedians who stare at their feet
every Thursday night may resort
to desperate measures after years
of shame. For suicidal dentists,
this step is simple.

TWO. Generously donate ten canisters
of “stage fog” to Laugh Machine,
to be installed near vents. Rig secret
remote triggers on each: you’ll TELL
them when to laugh!

THREE. Alone in the spotlight, release gas
as needed to survive coughs and smirking
faces. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES
should your sweaty fingers jam the remote
buttons, releasing all the gas at once
with a faint hiss.

FOUR!? Between giggling gasps,
try to warn everyone
maybe
although
every word you say is hilarious
everyone’s finally rolling in the aisles
together
and the laughter goes on and on

Chris Clemens lives and teaches in Toronto, surrounded by raccoons.