Instructions for leaving

BLAERGT ASSEMBLY

Step 1: Unpack pieces A–H and 1–3245.
Step 2: Step on three loose bolts. Blame your boyfriend.
Step 3: Fit socket A into joiners 17 and 18.
Step 4: Pinch your finger.
Step 5: Ask yourself if you even need this.
Step 6: Start a fight. It’s not about the table anymore.
Step 7: Rush your dog to the vet after he swallows a screw.
Step 8: Break up at the animal ER.
Step 9: Get home with a $3,000 bill. Cry on the floor.
Step 10: Throw out these instructions and start over with whatever’s left.