Doesn’t Count

I demand a recount! I've kept track all year long. A list, as long as Santa's, of all my good and bad moments. They've all been good. I have a record. Every single action.

I mean, yes, I didn't write down that time I stuck gum in Wanda's hair. You know, I wouldn't have done it if she wasn't being extra annoying that day.

All those times I lied to the teacher, it's just that I don't have time to do homework because of soccer practice. Mom and Dad want me not to skip those, so what am I supposed to do? I only have so much time in a day to beat Bowser on my Switch.

And borrowing Joey's bike doesn't count because I'm going to give it back to him. Next year.

Sure, technically, I shouldn't have let the cat out so I wouldn't have to feed her. It's not my fault she got lost for weeks and my sister cried every day until she came back. I was trying to save money on food.

Santa must be counting those things against me extra hard because he gave me coal. Coal! Like I don't have a whole list to prove that every second I've been good this year.

Can you believe it?